I want to remember ..

Being a parent is HUGE responsibility. However, the first thing I thought of after getting married was to get pregnant or a better way to describe it .. to have a baby. I was excited about it, from the process of making one, visualising on how to care, to educate, to love and to give, give and give. I want very much for my babies to grow up and become a responsible, caring and a good Muslim.

My first baby was born on May 31st, 1997 i.e. i got pregnant 3 months after marriage. Pregnancy for me was smooth sailing, I can remember vividly getting excited when my bosoms gets bigger. I really thought that the size would stay. But tough luck, it was just temporary.

My eldest son is now 11 going 12. How time flies. I tried to remember how he was as a baby but I can't seems to remember that much.

Last December, my eldest son popped a question.

He asked me how many kids did I plan to have when I got married?
What a question, I said to my self.
I answered him .. 6.
But you only have 4 now. he said.
When are you planning to have the next one?
The kids are demanding for a new addition to the family. They want a baby! I know very well why are they demanding for one. Must be because my sister and sister in law is pregnant and as their belly gets bigger, the pestering gets more intense.

Well I can't get pregnant anymore sweetheart.
Why? he asked.
Because it will be dangerous for me to get pregnant again and following the doctor's advice, Ayah and me had decided not to have anymore babies.

Dissapointment ... that was all I can see from the children's faces. So I go on explaining .. that I have one big scar on my tummy from giving birth to all 4 of them and because the doctor had to cut the same place over and over again for 4 times, the womb becomes weak and it had become dangerous for me to get pregnant again.

As they were trying to convince me that I should try giving birth the normal way, or the exact word used was through the butt, I decided to stop discussing about it. Then suddently ... the thought crossed my mind ... NO MORE BABIES!! .. it's not like I really want more babies, but you know the feeling of holding a little baby in your arms, there will no more baby talk! no more experiencing those cute little things that babies do, that can just take you breath away ... ya .. I'll miss that!!

My youngest son is already 3 years old. A child this age still do cute baby like stuff. They just craves for attention and so pure and innocent. So I decided that I want to remember .. I want to remember all the cute stuff that my baby does and I need to do something as I know that I will one day forget. I really want to remember..

Recently Zikri (my youngest son) did something really romantic. He came to me and had asked me to close my eyes. Quickly put his little fingers on my eyes just to make sure that I really had closed my eyes. I noticed that he was hiding something behind his back. So I got excited thinking what's the surprise. Can I open my eyes now? I asked.

Ibu boleh bukak mata.. he said.

The moment I opened my eyes ... I saw his little fingers holding a stack of flowers .. Hmm the flowers looked familiar. Ini untuk Ibu .. he announced. I glanced at my Mother's dining table and noticed the plactic flower decorating the table was missing ... immediately, I showered him with hugs and kisses so he know that I truly appreciate the gift. Well, it was kind of the first experience for me getting a flower like that, so I find myself singing away right after that humming my favourite song i.e. Master of Puppet ... while doing the house chores. That was how happy I was that day. So I decided to write it down. I would want to remember this.

One day I asked Zikri a question.

Kiki (the name he called himself) ... Kiki tengok ibu cantik tak?

Kiki looked into my eyes and answered .. Ibu cantik, Ibu cantik macam Puteri. Wow a romeo in the making I thought to myself.

I was surprised with the answer ... is he a romeo or what? Ibu cantik macam Puteri? I have actually asked the same question to my eldest son much earlier. Firstly, he was hesitant to give me an answer but later decided to give me an answer which was not really that convincing.. Like.. OK la Ibu lawa. It's not like I was waiting for a compliment. Eee teruk lah abang ni. That was my response to him.

So I wrote down what Kiki told me that day, that I am beautiful like a princess and try to remember how cute and sincere he looked when uttering the words. That was a moment to cherish.

Just to see how my husband would fared in front of this sweet little thing we call Kiki, I asked Kiki a similar question in front of my husband ... Kiki .. Ayah handsome tak? well I laughed at his .. still very cute answer which was .. Ayah tak handsome .. ayah macam gangster! ... Kah! Kah! Kah! padan muka ayah dia.